Ming Ming recognizing names... she was interested and asked me what /who they are... and she remembers their names really quick... This one is for your Selina Yiyi!
unfortunately the camera is kind of broken...horrible sounds..
Saturday, July 31, 2010
weekend
Thursday, July 29, 2010
人在異鄉
July 21, 2010
今天傍晚, 接了明明後帶她到downtown, 炎熱郁悶的天氣突然陰霾密佈, 並掀起陣陣不懷好意的風. 兩旁的商戶都手忙腳亂地把摆在外面的攤子座椅搬進室內. 我抱緊明明, 腳步飛快, 想帶她到兩個街口之外的圖書館躲避, 心中電光火石般掠過各種可能性: 這會不會像上個月那般, 變成個龍捲風? 風勢如果突然轉強會否把樹木或招牌捲起抛下? 繼續前行會否危險? 轉身躲進雪糕店, 又想起明明咳嗽未好不應吃雪糕, 如果大雨持續困在小店內會很麻煩… 再上路, 風中已挾著沙塵小石, 地上樹葉和垃圾旋渦般轉動. 路上行人都停在店口. 我摟緊明明, 心中很是緊張. 一直盯著空中, 擔心有甚麼東西會忽然砸到我們頭上. 甚至害怕會突然一陣龍捲風把明明捲走 (其實我當時是知道自己的擔心有多荒謬可笑的).
幾分鐘後到了圖書館, 發現自己繃緊的身體已出了一身一頭的汗. 明明也感覺到我的緊張, 伏在懷中一動不動. 外面的旋風很快轉成滂沱大雨, 但風雨也很快的過去. 這压根兒就不是甚麼龍捲風! 我不知道自己的緊張只是作為母親的vulnerability, 還是因為人在異鄉? 我懷疑如果這是在香港, 就算掛了風球帶著明明走在街上我可能也不會如此驚惧. 不熟悉的氣候, 不熟悉的人際網絡 (萬一真發生了甚麼事, 找誰? Antoine出差了, 城中沒有很熟的親友) 令作母親的緊張加倍放大. 我一向不是那麼神經質的人, 但現在, 一旦Antoine 不在, 我就加倍疑神疑鬼: 晚上洗澡出來會趕快去看看明明是否還安睡床上, 有沒有被拐走, 睡前一而再地檢查門窗是否關好…
進圖書館後順便去申請一本interlibrary loan 的書, 坐在電腦後面那位職員聽不懂我的口音, 我說Alice 他聽到Ellis. 這見鬼的風加上這綣舌難纒的語言, 我感到異常的詛喪.
離開香港已經八年, 來美國已快七年, 當初真以為自己可以浪跡天涯四海為家的, 現在卻覺得家的感覺其實是一種身體記憶, 甚至是一種不隨意肌式的心理反應. 像我去完steakhouse之後還很不識相地想念一碗雲吞面的好, 或身上的皮肤在周遭的人都在抱怨天氣太潮濕時仍嫌干燥... 不管你喜不喜歡自己成長的環境, 這個環境對於你的情感結構都有莫大的影響. 家的感覺就在成長的過程中印刻在我們身上, 從此生死與共. 想要認作他鄉為故鄉, 門也沒有… 家是一種安全感, 或身處自身文化中的如魚得水, 或與己尤關的疼痛感, 或“雖千萬人, 吾往矣”的勇氣... 在二十一世紀的平坦地球上念叨鄉愁, 我覺得自己如白頭宫女般老氣和不合時宜. 但為何人在異鄉的感覺, 依然可以在某些不經意的時刻, 压得我喘不過氣來?
今天傍晚, 接了明明後帶她到downtown, 炎熱郁悶的天氣突然陰霾密佈, 並掀起陣陣不懷好意的風. 兩旁的商戶都手忙腳亂地把摆在外面的攤子座椅搬進室內. 我抱緊明明, 腳步飛快, 想帶她到兩個街口之外的圖書館躲避, 心中電光火石般掠過各種可能性: 這會不會像上個月那般, 變成個龍捲風? 風勢如果突然轉強會否把樹木或招牌捲起抛下? 繼續前行會否危險? 轉身躲進雪糕店, 又想起明明咳嗽未好不應吃雪糕, 如果大雨持續困在小店內會很麻煩… 再上路, 風中已挾著沙塵小石, 地上樹葉和垃圾旋渦般轉動. 路上行人都停在店口. 我摟緊明明, 心中很是緊張. 一直盯著空中, 擔心有甚麼東西會忽然砸到我們頭上. 甚至害怕會突然一陣龍捲風把明明捲走 (其實我當時是知道自己的擔心有多荒謬可笑的).
幾分鐘後到了圖書館, 發現自己繃緊的身體已出了一身一頭的汗. 明明也感覺到我的緊張, 伏在懷中一動不動. 外面的旋風很快轉成滂沱大雨, 但風雨也很快的過去. 這压根兒就不是甚麼龍捲風! 我不知道自己的緊張只是作為母親的vulnerability, 還是因為人在異鄉? 我懷疑如果這是在香港, 就算掛了風球帶著明明走在街上我可能也不會如此驚惧. 不熟悉的氣候, 不熟悉的人際網絡 (萬一真發生了甚麼事, 找誰? Antoine出差了, 城中沒有很熟的親友) 令作母親的緊張加倍放大. 我一向不是那麼神經質的人, 但現在, 一旦Antoine 不在, 我就加倍疑神疑鬼: 晚上洗澡出來會趕快去看看明明是否還安睡床上, 有沒有被拐走, 睡前一而再地檢查門窗是否關好…
進圖書館後順便去申請一本interlibrary loan 的書, 坐在電腦後面那位職員聽不懂我的口音, 我說Alice 他聽到Ellis. 這見鬼的風加上這綣舌難纒的語言, 我感到異常的詛喪.
離開香港已經八年, 來美國已快七年, 當初真以為自己可以浪跡天涯四海為家的, 現在卻覺得家的感覺其實是一種身體記憶, 甚至是一種不隨意肌式的心理反應. 像我去完steakhouse之後還很不識相地想念一碗雲吞面的好, 或身上的皮肤在周遭的人都在抱怨天氣太潮濕時仍嫌干燥... 不管你喜不喜歡自己成長的環境, 這個環境對於你的情感結構都有莫大的影響. 家的感覺就在成長的過程中印刻在我們身上, 從此生死與共. 想要認作他鄉為故鄉, 門也沒有… 家是一種安全感, 或身處自身文化中的如魚得水, 或與己尤關的疼痛感, 或“雖千萬人, 吾往矣”的勇氣... 在二十一世紀的平坦地球上念叨鄉愁, 我覺得自己如白頭宫女般老氣和不合時宜. 但為何人在異鄉的感覺, 依然可以在某些不經意的時刻, 压得我喘不過氣來?
Monday, July 26, 2010
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Is this the Trouble Two?
The bundle of joy has become a bundle of conflicting emotions. Ming Ming has been extremely capricious, fickle, impulsive this past few days; she can go from angelic sweetness to unsocial screams of “不要媽媽” (I don’t want mama) in literally two seconds, with no apparent reason. True, she has been sick (fever + 8th ear infection + bad cough). But I am afraid this is maybe a sign that the phase of trouble two has set in, and it is here to stay (just a little while?).
Antoine was away for two days, come back for one, then again for another two days. Both Ming Ming and I were sick. The morning, which used to be busy but rather uneventful, has become the designated whining time for Ming Ming (she did not sleep too well, due to bad cough). She would go from “don’t want to have my diaper changed” to wanting cookie for breakfast to throwing her food on the floor, which would then lead to a time out. Ming Ming is already quite a stubborn character. When time out ends (two minutes), she would rush out to face me with her teary eyes, scream some more “No Time Out” “不要媽媽” (don’t want mama) “明明要哭哭” (Ming Ming wants to cry), dash back to her room, and close all the doors on her way back(4 doors). I have learnt to just let her cry until she clams herself down a little bit, too much involvement on my part would only prolong the battle. And, actually, I can use that 10 mins to prepare her lunch bag. Once she clams down, the sweet baby would emerge again. I would read her a book and she would say something to please me and compensate for her unpleasant behavior earlier (like: “is this yours?” “is that yours?” “Monday, Tuesday…” She just learnt these at school and knows that I would appreciate her telling me what she learns). Then, things can take another turn – I don’t want this dress, or, I want to wear that raincoat, or, mama don’t sit here – with totally unpredictable and unimaginable triviality.
To compensate for the unpleasant morning, bed time has become the most enjoyable time we share together, which is maybe not surprising as she has moved back to my bed for five nights now (due to the frequent waking caused by her cough). She would go from shower to my room with the sweetest smile ever and climb on the bed and tell me where to lie down and which story to read. Looking at her total bliss, I wonder why I make her sleep on her own. This kind of bliss just does not come around that frequently in life. (Then again, when she wakes up crying in the middle of the night and I remember how she used to sleep through the night, her crib looks very appealing for me again). Tonight at bedtime, between stories, I told her that I didn’t like her whining as mama was very tired already. She said immediately, with total earnest and no prompting on my part, “sorry mama, sorry”, then she kissed me on the cheek. =) I realized that at moments of tantrum, she must have felt guilty but was incapable of identifying and controlling her emotions, not to mention apologizing and getting out of that emotional quagmire.
Is it fair for me to ask her to apologize when she misbehaves? Usually it goes like this: she throws food, “No throwing”, she looks at me with a naughty, testing smile, and throws again. I give her two options: say sorry or time out, “No Time Out”, tantrum follows, time out, peace restored. Is my demand of apology or the threat of time out that pushes her over the edge to a tantrum? But how do I discipline her and correct her unpleasant behaviors then? Fortunately, the time out method works miracles now. Time out, in its form, is not so much a punishment; Ming Ming actually does not mind staying alone in her room for a while. The power of the method lies in its symbolic meaning; it is an unmistakable sign of your disapproval. And for a little kid, your disapproval, when it is clearly communicated, is enough punishment.
What is a two-year-old’s emotional life like? Even if I try to put myself in Ming Ming’s shoes, I cannot quite imagine. Trying to assert one’s independence and clinging to the old comfort of dependence at the same time (holding to my leg and screaming “don’t want mama”), experiencing the novel sentiments of anger, pride, guilt, regret, sadness, confusion, incomprehension, rejection, fatigue, helplessness, and maybe fear, all at once, all tangled up, seeing one’s eagerness to please turned into a disaster by the counter effect of crying and screaming, feeling one’s body (or head?) pumped up with contrasting impulses … it overwhelms me just by thinking about it.
PS: episode 1
This past Sunday, when Antoine was home, at bed time:
Ming Ming: papa dort tout seul dans l'autre pièce. (papa sleeps alone in the other room).
Papa: où dort ming ming alors? (where does MM sleep then?)
MM: MM dort tout seule ici, avec maman. (MM sleeps alone here, with mama)
PS: episode 2
For the past few nights, Ming Ming would wake up around midnight screaming. I was scared at first, I thought it was her fever or she was having a night terror. She looked at me like a total stranger, said NO to everything I proposed or did, refused my touch, constantly said “don’t want mama”, “mama don’t __ (whatever I did the second before)” … It took me 2 hours to get her back to sleep.
Antoine was there the second night. When she sat at a corner behind the armchair, staring at me like I was the big bad wolf, looking totally like an orphan, I wake up her dad (who was supposed to leave for the airport at 4am the next morning). And she went to him with no problem. But still she did not want to fall asleep with him, and it took us 45 mins before everyone went back to bed.
The third night, I decided to change strategy and act like a pillow lying beside her. She would have said no to everything I proposed and did anyway (no turning on the fan, no turning off the fan, etc…). She whined when I pulled the blanket over myself (no blanket!), otherwise, the “don’t want mama” whining died down after ten minutes, she ran out of materials to object to. And everyone went back to sleep. Well, not quite everyone, I stayed up to finish this diary.
Antoine was away for two days, come back for one, then again for another two days. Both Ming Ming and I were sick. The morning, which used to be busy but rather uneventful, has become the designated whining time for Ming Ming (she did not sleep too well, due to bad cough). She would go from “don’t want to have my diaper changed” to wanting cookie for breakfast to throwing her food on the floor, which would then lead to a time out. Ming Ming is already quite a stubborn character. When time out ends (two minutes), she would rush out to face me with her teary eyes, scream some more “No Time Out” “不要媽媽” (don’t want mama) “明明要哭哭” (Ming Ming wants to cry), dash back to her room, and close all the doors on her way back(4 doors). I have learnt to just let her cry until she clams herself down a little bit, too much involvement on my part would only prolong the battle. And, actually, I can use that 10 mins to prepare her lunch bag. Once she clams down, the sweet baby would emerge again. I would read her a book and she would say something to please me and compensate for her unpleasant behavior earlier (like: “is this yours?” “is that yours?” “Monday, Tuesday…” She just learnt these at school and knows that I would appreciate her telling me what she learns). Then, things can take another turn – I don’t want this dress, or, I want to wear that raincoat, or, mama don’t sit here – with totally unpredictable and unimaginable triviality.
To compensate for the unpleasant morning, bed time has become the most enjoyable time we share together, which is maybe not surprising as she has moved back to my bed for five nights now (due to the frequent waking caused by her cough). She would go from shower to my room with the sweetest smile ever and climb on the bed and tell me where to lie down and which story to read. Looking at her total bliss, I wonder why I make her sleep on her own. This kind of bliss just does not come around that frequently in life. (Then again, when she wakes up crying in the middle of the night and I remember how she used to sleep through the night, her crib looks very appealing for me again). Tonight at bedtime, between stories, I told her that I didn’t like her whining as mama was very tired already. She said immediately, with total earnest and no prompting on my part, “sorry mama, sorry”, then she kissed me on the cheek. =) I realized that at moments of tantrum, she must have felt guilty but was incapable of identifying and controlling her emotions, not to mention apologizing and getting out of that emotional quagmire.
Is it fair for me to ask her to apologize when she misbehaves? Usually it goes like this: she throws food, “No throwing”, she looks at me with a naughty, testing smile, and throws again. I give her two options: say sorry or time out, “No Time Out”, tantrum follows, time out, peace restored. Is my demand of apology or the threat of time out that pushes her over the edge to a tantrum? But how do I discipline her and correct her unpleasant behaviors then? Fortunately, the time out method works miracles now. Time out, in its form, is not so much a punishment; Ming Ming actually does not mind staying alone in her room for a while. The power of the method lies in its symbolic meaning; it is an unmistakable sign of your disapproval. And for a little kid, your disapproval, when it is clearly communicated, is enough punishment.
What is a two-year-old’s emotional life like? Even if I try to put myself in Ming Ming’s shoes, I cannot quite imagine. Trying to assert one’s independence and clinging to the old comfort of dependence at the same time (holding to my leg and screaming “don’t want mama”), experiencing the novel sentiments of anger, pride, guilt, regret, sadness, confusion, incomprehension, rejection, fatigue, helplessness, and maybe fear, all at once, all tangled up, seeing one’s eagerness to please turned into a disaster by the counter effect of crying and screaming, feeling one’s body (or head?) pumped up with contrasting impulses … it overwhelms me just by thinking about it.
PS: episode 1
This past Sunday, when Antoine was home, at bed time:
Ming Ming: papa dort tout seul dans l'autre pièce. (papa sleeps alone in the other room).
Papa: où dort ming ming alors? (where does MM sleep then?)
MM: MM dort tout seule ici, avec maman. (MM sleeps alone here, with mama)
PS: episode 2
For the past few nights, Ming Ming would wake up around midnight screaming. I was scared at first, I thought it was her fever or she was having a night terror. She looked at me like a total stranger, said NO to everything I proposed or did, refused my touch, constantly said “don’t want mama”, “mama don’t __ (whatever I did the second before)” … It took me 2 hours to get her back to sleep.
Antoine was there the second night. When she sat at a corner behind the armchair, staring at me like I was the big bad wolf, looking totally like an orphan, I wake up her dad (who was supposed to leave for the airport at 4am the next morning). And she went to him with no problem. But still she did not want to fall asleep with him, and it took us 45 mins before everyone went back to bed.
The third night, I decided to change strategy and act like a pillow lying beside her. She would have said no to everything I proposed and did anyway (no turning on the fan, no turning off the fan, etc…). She whined when I pulled the blanket over myself (no blanket!), otherwise, the “don’t want mama” whining died down after ten minutes, she ran out of materials to object to. And everyone went back to sleep. Well, not quite everyone, I stayed up to finish this diary.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Saturday, July 10, 2010
會拿筷子了? / first attempt at using chopsticks
Papa was away in Chicago, Mama wanted some noodle soup... Ming Ming enjoyed it too, and demanded to use her chopsticks, just like Mama. Not bad for the first try!
Matthew's birthday party
can you believe that she is just one month older than Dahila (her preschool friend)?
Friday, July 9, 2010
story teller
Ming Ming is really into story telling now. She would repeat the stories that she has learnt from books (only the part that most impressed her), and narrate the tinest things happened to her in the same manner as a story. Before I picked up the camera she was telling the story of papa leaving for chicago and mm being unhappy, papa promised to return in two days and mama would stay with mm, and then mm was happy. Here I tried to promt her to retell the story... then she changed subject to something Miss Jennifer (her new teacher in the two-year-olds class) said... etc etc...
Monday, July 5, 2010
petting farm - video and photos from Antoine's phone
Ming Ming finally gathered up courage to feed the camel, but the beast got too close and she thought it was going to bite her, resulted in a little bit of crying.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
morning exercise with Mamie and Papou
Ce matin là il ne faisait pas trop chaud, moins de 30°.
Descente en petite foulée sur les larges rues (nous sommes en Amérique) de River Runn pour rejoindre le petit sentier pentu qui nous mène à la rivière.
Arrêt dansant sur le chemin du retour...
Les balades avec Papou sont très souvent accompagnées de bonnes rigolades !!!
Mamicat.
the Frontier Culture Museum
last stop: grocery shopping at Harris Teeter...
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